Conflict Resolution: The Hidden Reason Someone Might Be Upset (Communication Skills 2)

If you’ve ever wondered how to de-escalate a conflict with someone who won’t let it go, or why your apology isn’t landing even when you mean it, this episode is going to give you a real answer. Most people try to fix the feeling, but the actual problem is almost always the thinking underneath it, and until you address the thought, nothing you say is going to move the needle.

I walk through a real workshop scenario where the attendees roleplayed through a very common situation, and I show you which responses fell flat, which ones made things worse, and the one that finally worked.

Then I get into the three approaches I use most often for conflict resolution at work and in relationships, including a technique I developed myself called coming to neutral.

In this episode:

• The workshop scenario where four different apologies got four very different reactions, and what that tells you about how people actually process conflict
• The one sentence that told me exactly which thought I needed to address, and how to spot this in your own hard conversations
• How to know whether to address someone’s emotions or their thinking first
• The accusation audit from Chris Voss, and how I use it
• The technique I use with my clients to stop the wild emotional swings between positive and negative interpretations
• Why a reframe almost never works when emotions are still running high, and when it actually does
• The easy test I use to spot when someone’s thinking is the real problem in a conflict

This is part two of my communication mini series, so if you haven’t listened to part one yet, start there.